Down that Familiar Hole

Down, down, down.
To plunge into the hole.
To be immersed with the surrounding darkness.
To witness everything else falling alongside me.
Down, down, down.
To leave the world I know behind.
To feel the rush of ecstasy from entering a realm unknown.
To let the butterflies residing within me free and live at last.

How my stomach starts to turn and rushes out of my mouth,
to spill my guts, to spill my unease, to spill my needs, to spill myself, to spill my pain.

To imagine that people actually yearn for this rush,
this exhilarating feeling of being on a roller coaster ride,
this constant cycle of keeping yourself on your toes.

I cannot possibly understand. I am only forced to understand and be pulled into their world.

The more resistance, the greater the tension.

I can feel the gravity pulling my body apart.
Must I give in? Must I simply let go and allow this to take me where it wants?
Down, down, down.
My vision gone. My voice lost. My mind mad.
The impact too strong. Its effects too great.
I don’t feel like myself anymore.
Down, down, down.
Such a long journey that I’ve been forced to travel.
Let it stop.
Please let it end.
So far down..
I suppose I like the feel of this cold air,
those consuming shadows,
and the empty space.
Let me stay here.
Leave me be.
As I try to look up to see where I once began to fall into the hole,
the last speck of light is gone.

~ April 4, 2011